Better than Chocolate

Gluten Free & Dairy Free, Week Three

This is "ngb : Gluten Free Lager"

Review time:

1. ngb Gluten Free Lager

          I tried the first one at room temp, as I used to drink glutenous lagers.  Don't do this.  

          This one is the second one, and I am drinking it cold, and honestly, it tastes like beer.  It tastes like a light beer reminiscent of a lighter beer I wouldn't normally choose but most importantly, it tastes like beer.  It's made with Sorghum.  Next one I want to try is red rice beer.

2. Dr. McDougall's Asian Noodles

          I bought two: Teriyaki and Pad Thai.  Mostly cuz another thing I really miss is chinese food.  I've only tried the Pad Thai so far, and it's REALLY GOOD.  And for $1.99, cheaper than chinese food.  Bargain and a win.

3. Thai Kitchen Instant Rice Noodle Soup

          Again I bought two: Lemongrass & Chili and Garlic Vegetable.  I bought these because I missed Ramen Noodles.  I've tried the Garlic Vegetable.  SOOOOO GOOD!  Definitely a great replacement, and a far healthier one at that.  And only $1.00/package at Wegmans.

4. My cereal replacement of choice right now is a combination of things:

    liveGfree Very Berry Crunch Granola and Kashi Organic Promise Indigo Morning (with my homemade milk, this morning it was rice).

    This was a great combination, and I'm not just saying this, but it was better and a fuller flavor and more filling than any other cereal I had before, so I don't even miss my Raisin Bran Crunch!

5. liveGfree Baked Chewy Bars

          I bought two: Cocoa Loco & Very Berry.  Only had the Cocoa Loco so far... and when you need a chocolate fix WHOA.  This is the solution!!!!   Perfect and not a fake taste at all, tastes real and fulfilling.

*A lot of people complain that "healthy" or diet restrictions (such as gluten and lactose free) are expensive.  The initial price tag on some items can seem dicey.  You have to shop around, and shop smart.  I shop at Aldi, the local bulk places like Sauders, New Hope Mills, the amish bulk place on Grant Ave (I am brain-farting on the name) and Wegmans (and even online from nuts.com and Amazon), and I make a lot of items from scratch.  So far for months my food budget has NOT gone up, and I've been doing dairy free for months and gluten free for almost a month.  

You just have to shop smart.

I have lived a sheltered life in so many ways...

I just ate real risotto for the first time a week ago.  And it was so creamy it made me... 

mouthwateringly remember the equally amazing ribs I had for the first time as well.  What did you think I was gonna say?  Pervert.  

But seriously... my super amazing super sexy super smart boyfriend (I know, I know, must be imaginary right?)  Some of my friends think he is.  Well he's not.  I'll show you a picture right now.

That's right.

Anyway... sorry my pants got excited AGAIN... what was I talking about?  Ribs and Risotto, right!

So I had only tried ribs once before many a year ago and as I tried to pry the meat off the bone I immediately became grossed out at the idea of gnawing on an animal's rib cage and just couldn't do it.  I almost hurled.  That was the end of the idea of "ribs" for me (I wasn't enthused before, I was being egged on to try them then).

So sexy boyfriend man was like, "Whoa, you've been missing out.  Hang on, those were not made right."  He brought over his pressure smoker, and 45 minutes later, we had melt in your mouth, slide off the bone ribs.  Needless to say, I'm a convert.  

As for risotto, his flabber was equally gasted that I had not had this before.  He made me crimini mushroom, onion and garlic risotto and even patiently showed me how to make it.  This was equally *there's a party in my mouth* amazing.  The menage of flavors was superb, and it was so nice to have something so creamy and complex with my limited diet!

I tried making this myself this past week and I used a different stock to try for a different flavor and managed to make a kick-ass risotto myself!  (Even managed to properly 'steam', or is it 'salt'? dammit! whatever it is [another brainfart] I did it right with the mushrooms).

But the recipe I have isn't that... it's for something else I made that I turned GF/DF that even the "normies" approved!

Recipe: DF/GF Pumpkin Waffles

Recipe may not be reproduced without written permission from Katherine Alexander

~recipe adapted from thebakingbeauties.com

3/4 C Brown Sugar

6 T Cornstarch

2.5 C GF Flour *

.5 tsp xanthan gum

3 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

3.5 tsp cinnamon

3 tsp ground ginger

.5 tsp ground clove

4 eggs

2 C rice milk

2 C pumpkin puree

.5 C melted coconut oil

1. Combine sugar and corn starch by whisk.  Whisk in remaining dry ingredients.

2. Mix pumpkin puree, eggs and milk in separate bowl.

3. Pour in melted coconut oil (to pumpkin mixture).

4. Combine mixtures til only few (if any) lumps remain.

Once your waffle iron is warm, cook as usual to your desired crispiness!  

NOTE:  you do NOT need to spray iron before each waffle as normal (due to coconut oil) - BONUS!

*GF All Purpose Flour: 4 C Superfine Rice Flour (brown or white), 1 C arrowroot, 1 C tapioca starch (whisk together and store airtight, or if using quickly, just shake it up in a big ziploc!)

Fuck Bees

Ok, I'm pretty pacifist when it comes to living creatures.  I even have plants designated in my "landscape" (I have a ton of plants, and I let the backyard go au natural for the most part, partially because animals/insects like it, partially cuz I have better things to do than mow, partially cuz I don't see the difference, partially because I eat the weeds that grow there!) specifically for attracting bees because I know honey bees need these, and I leave my bamboo wind chimes up all year, because I see them scurrying in and out them storing pollen.. all this is to say I like what they do.  Bees are important.

However, we were cutting up wood in my backyard and one particular piece that had laid fallen for some time one particular bee must have fancied his turf or something cuz he got PISSED.  At one point my friend (doing the cutting) said "You have a bee on your back" and I froze on instinct but said "Ha ha."  (Did I mention that how some people are irrationally afraid of spiders I am of bees?)

We should have these.  For the godless dicks that don't pollinate but hate.

Anyway, there WAS a bee on my back, but he gently brushed it off, and it went about it's merry way, and so did we.  

What we obviously didn't know is this bumblebee dick was giving a warning.  

So we went on doing what we were doing keeping an eye out for him, and he seemed to be keeping away, but he was obviously in an out in some sort of a warrior warning, and we're just picking up wood going,

la la la.

Then all a sudden he swoops near me (and I had been moving SLOWLY AND FUCKING CAREFULLY MIND YOU!) and I crouch to the ground and freeze like a little bitch hoping he'll go away.  Nope.  He did not take this gesture of peace, he landed on my stomach, and I look at him thinking, maybe he'll pause or go away, after all, the back incident right?  He was there like 15 seconds doin' nothin'!

NOPE.  That little fuzzy asshole immediately tips his ass into me and fucking stings me.  I yelp and swat him away and run into the house like a little bitch.  

It was then I realized my 11 year old is still outside with the bloodthirsty bumblebee and I can't remember if they can sting more than once.

So I go to the porch door, tell them to come inside, and then I apply a baking soda poultice.  Still, what a dick.  (I haven't been stung since I was like 12, when I was attacked by a swarm along with my friend on an old wooden playground in our hometown, and I couldn't open one eye or close a leg etc. for two weeks... so I guess I have a psychological issue with things that can friggin sting me.  Oh yeah, and then there was that time I woke up and my bedroom was literally filled with them... see it's ALL COMING BACK TO ME!)

THEN, just yesterday, I leave my car door open for two minutes lugging out DJ equipment and a wasp gets in so I ended up in a 15 minute battle trying to get it out (or dead, whichever first but I was armed only with a coffee spoon) and to be fair, this WAS life and death.  If that thing came flying out at me while I was driving I would've freaked and driven off the road or worse, into someone else.  

THAT FUCKING I KILLED.

Until next time, kill or bee killed.  

(bwahahahhahahaha see what I did there?!)